Word to the Mother
-Drew Dellinger, 1998

I once was blind, but now I see
I understand that the planet is the source of me
Literally, just like a mom gives birth to a babe
Mother Earth’s given birth to everything that’s been made
Word to the Mother

Source of every other
Thing, every being, in the ring of creation
And every individual’s a manifestation
Of the grace innate in this place, space and time
Expressing the blessing, caressing my mind
Holy Osmosis!
That’s what the cosmos is
Boomin’,
Universe,
Earth,
Human.
From the beginning
The spinning Universe possessed
A spiritual interior
Inside the manifest
Blessed with a blast from the past
Free at last
As the Big Bang
Rang, sprang, sang from the start, from the void
Like a joy from the heart of the dark
And the light’s
The birthright of us all
You and
I are all
The fire ball
The higher call
Inspires all with a sense of place
Let us find the divine mind
Behind every face
I’ve just begun to recognise the whole
soul force
Word to the Mother
Word to the Source

We’ve gotta get back to the Mother
We’ve got to get back to the Earth
We’ve gotta get back to the Mother
We’ve got to get back to the Earth

Word to the Mother
So how dare we
Have the nerve to disturb
The planetary Source
The very force that brought us alive
If She ain’t in effect
There ain’t no way to survive
How can we see no wisdom
From the ecosystem
This industrialized phase craze to pave highways
Yikes!
50,000 toxic sites
Nuclear power plants
Constructed with haste
Without any clue
What to do with the waste
Radiation. Seeping deep in the nation
Losing patience
With corporations
And abusers
Grinnin’ like their winnin’ when we’ll all be the losers
Ignore natural forces
Deplete our resources
No remorse, we’re off course, hold your horses.
Mother may I
Try to say why
My society lost sight of the whole
As we try and we try till we die to control
The Earth dream that can never be tamed
That can never be sold and that can never be named
What’s a shame and is lame is that we thought it was clever
To dam every river ever
Never-never land is at hand unless we see and rediscover
There ain’t no other
It’s absurd to have to say it:
But Word to the Mother

We’ve gotta get back to the Mother
We’ve got to get back to the Earth
We’ve gotta get back to the Mother
We’ve got to get back to the Earth

The story of the Mother as I reminisce
is enough to make this brother ecofeminist
How can we limit this limitless exponential
Growth potential. Economy is secondary
Earth’s essential.
The Mother exists in every wave on the sea
Every bird in the sky and every leaf on the tree.
Community, unity, you and me, family
All of us children born from 4 billion years
Of the blood sweat and tears
of the Earth
We need to
let her be
Let her grow
Set her free, let her fly, let her flow, let her go
And unfold
The way the mother intended
Activities that damage the Earth must be suspended.
Listen cause we’re missin’ what the Mother’s advice is
She’ll help us deal with ecological crisis
She’s mightier
Than Aphrodite or Isis
And twice as creative, illustrative of the point
When the Earth gives birth to the Now
Still We try to milk every sacred cow
We need to chill untill we see
That no creature is my enemy
They’re all kin to me
Earth is the remedy
For the malady
She’s the truth at the root of reality
The elements of my bones
are left over from the swirling stardust of a supernova
Made by the Earth and the Breath of the One
Rain’s in the veins in the flames of the sun’s
In the heart each part contains the sum of the whole
Earth Body, Earth Spirit, Universe Soul
Word to the Mother
You gotta love her

We’ve gotta get back to the Mother
We’ve got to get back to the Earth
We’ve gotta get back to the Mother
We’ve got to get back to the Earth

Self Portrait

It doesn’t interest me if there is one God
or many gods.
I want to know if you belong or feel
abandoned.
If you know despair or can see it in others.
I want to know
if you are prepared to live in the world
with its harsh need
to change you. If you can look back
with firm eyes
saying this is where I stand. I want to know
if you know
how to melt into that fierce heat of living
falling toward
the center of your longing. I want to know
if you are willing
to live, day by day, with the consequence of love
and the bitter
unwanted passion of your sure defeat.

I have heard, in that fierce embrace, even
the gods speak of God.

– David Whyte
from Fire in the Earth
©1992 Many Rivers Press

Real fearlessness is the product of tenderness. It comes from letting the world tickle your heart, your raw and beautiful heart. You are willing to open up, without resistance or shyness, and face the world. You are willing to share your heart with others.
- Chogyam Trungpa, Shambala: The Sacred Path of the Warrior

Ask yourself a simple question: What is a good baby? If you have been raised in a Western culture, chances are you know the answer right away (whether or not you agree with it): A good baby is one that doesn’t cry! The training against vulnerability starts very early in life.

It is no surprise, then, that most of us wear some layers of protection, and know the experience of contraction, a desire to hide what is true inside. Yet many of us know that as we loosen the protection and become more and more naked, we come closer to how we once were, to our essential humanity. When we recognize this complex truth, we can begin to imagine choosing, moment by moment, how much protection would be helpful, and how much protection is keeping us away from the flow of life.

Fear of vulnerability is one of the core obstacles to inner freedom. Some of the fear is internal, a message that there is something wrong with us if we show emotion. Some of the fear is external, a concern that by being authentic and revealing ourselves we risk being hurt by others. Either way, our quest for inner freedom includes the willingness to step into the unknown, into discomfort. As Rachel Remen says, “The choice … is never between slavery and freedom. We will always have to choose between slavery and the unknown.” If we embrace the possibility of opening up and remaining soft in the face of whatever comes our way – then we actually grow in our capacity to be ourselves in full.

The path of vulnerability includes understanding what generates so much fear about stepping into more vulnerability in our lives; learning to sit with the discomfort to create more self-connection; finding ways of redefining vulnerability as strength; discovering an inner sense of safety; and securing support in inhabiting more authenticity. More than anything, though, the path of vulnerability is about choice: How can we muster inner strength to understand, face, and transform our fears so we can have the aliveness and authenticity that come from the willingness to share our truth?

Usually when we think of the meaning of the word “vulnerability” we think of it as an experience of being exposed in a way that could lead to hurt. When we talk about choosing vulnerability rather than having it simply happen, we are embarking on an extraordinary journey of changing our relationship with fear. As Chogyam Trungpa says, “true fearlessness is not the reduction of fear, but going beyond fear.”

Sitting with our fear, or with any difficult emotion – really sitting with it – creates possibility. As we open our hearts to ourselves, we find the needs underneath our emotions and actions. Connecting with the needs provides us some wiggle room around the stories that feed our fear such as “rejection,” “humiliation,” or “betrayal.” We also recover more room by connecting with others’ humanity in charged moments, with their needs that could lead to their actions or reactions. This eases our own fear, because it allows us to take everything less personally, to approach others with compassion, and to keep our hearts open as we engage.

What does choosing vulnerability look like? Here is a personal example. After a painful breakup with a partner many years ago, I took on the practice of examining myself closely for months to see the ways that I contributed to the relationship not working. Every time I found something, I shared what I found with my former partner. I felt exceedingly vulnerable – as if I was providing my former partner with ammunition, a way to “prove” that it was my fault that the relationship ended. But I also loved the practice. I was being true to myself instead of protecting myself. And after a few months it meant we could be friends again.

Think of a situation from your life in which you had the opportunity to choose vulnerability or to choose protection. As you reflect on your situation and on what you did, bear in mind that inner freedom means becoming conscious of the fact of making choices, and then changing how we make choices by connecting them to needs. Which did you choose in your situation, vulnerability or protection? What needs were you attempting to meet with your choice? Did those needs get met through your choice? What needs were not met by your choice?

One key to this journey is to recognize that habitual choice is also based on needs. Once we become aware of what needs we are trying to meet by the habitual choice, then we can inquire deeply: Is this habitual strategy really meeting the need? At what cost? Can we find a willingness to make a different choice even though it’s uncomfortable? With full connection with our needs, we may well choose to engage in the habitual behavior some of the time, knowing what needs we are prioritizing in those moments rather than automatically out of fear or habit. We may also choose to embrace fuller authenticity and vulnerability because we have clarity about what needs would be met that make the discomfort worthwhile instead of basing the choice on an internal demand or an idea that is not connected to our needs. Either way, we are more able to meet life fully.

We do not embark on the path of vulnerability once and for all. In each moment the balance of our needs may shift. By inquiring into the lived truth of this moment we become present and step out of stories about what things mean. In each moment, we solve the emotional equation of that moment: With all of the needs that are on the table for this moment, what’s the action to take in this moment? What needs rise in significance in this moment? Which needs are less important in this moment?

What needs might be met by choosing vulnerability? Self-expression, authenticity, strength, integrity, or connection. What needs might be met by choosing protection? Peace of mind, safety, compassion for ourselves or others, ease, or relief. If we judge either set of needs, we lose our capacity to choose, the foundation of our inner freedom.

When we start working with vulnerability we discover what Sally expressed in a workshop: “I don’t think the fear will ever completely disappear, so I have to find a way of accepting the fear.” Like every difficult emotion, we have three basic options: to run away; to grit our teeth, tough it out, and do things despite the feelings; or to make room for the feelings and experience spaciousness around them. The point of being on the path is to find the freedom, not necessarily to always have to be vulnerable, but to have the option to be vulnerable when we choose.

© by Miki Kashtan

hello all,

i’s an f…ing passive! wanna hear? if so, read ahead!

i was on the road today, driving my motorbike to pondy (town). while still in auroville (my village), i saw a tourist/foreign woman coming the other way, on her scooter. oh boy, her left boob just about falling out of her top! i had some thought like “oh my gosh, woman!” then, after a few seconds, i thought, “shit, i should go back and say something! but what am i gonna say? ‘um, excuse me, i’m sorry, i really want you to have your freedom and all, but your sticking-out-boob is just not appropriate here.’ and instead my jackals are going: “you idiot, you think this is goa? you think this is some white hippie resort? no! it’s not! we’re in the middle of rural india and that’s just not okay! can’t you see? don’t you realize?!”

oops…! um, translation…!

what’s behind all that? i guess i’m wanting respect and safety, and awareness and cultural sensitivity! i wondered how auroville could make it any more clear to tourists that dress-code is a big issue here. we have tons of notices up about women’s safety and stuff. and there’s a general belief that other women pay for some women’s lack of clothing…

but i was way too chicken to turn around a say something. i had no idea how i would have approached her. i had all kinds of reasons why i shouldn’t… “have to go to pondy and finish up stuff for the rishikesh convention; am gonna be late for my appointment with the graphic designer; i can’t just stop her on the road like that; she’s not gonna receive my message the way i’d like; blah blah blah…!”

but… i wasn’t happy not doing anything either! i switched wrists… SHIT!

i’m smiling – hope you are too!

love,
L’aura

Get this! NVC out of the closet! NVC in public! NVC in Auroville’s Town Hall!

My gosh, I just spent one of the best weeks of my life playing with Kay. In addition to a live demo mediation in our Town Hall, Kay shared 4 training days with about 50 people (half Aurovilians, half guests), some of whom had no prior NVC or Mediation experience, and others who have been learning and sharing NVC for a few years. My opinion? It was amazing!

But don’t believe me! Here’s some feedback from the participants…

“I feel blessed by this opportunity to get in contact with the idea of NVC. It is as if someone has opened a door in my heart to connect better with my feelings and needs. The workshop gave me some valuable inspiration on how I can help other people resolve their conflicts and overcome disconnected communication.”

“The mediation course has helped me with my personal development, and I’m pleased to recognize the understanding I’ve gained of myself, as well as others. The tools we learned in the workshop have been really practical and useful for a mediation situation, and I’m excited to use them and to see how effective they can be in a ‘real-life’ situation. Helping other people connect and resolve a conflict is a challenge I would like to assist with. This course was a taster for me, and I would like to extend my skills and confidence, but at this level I feel I’ve learned very useful things – especially about feelings and needs. I intend to look more into NVC to help me with my interactions with others and to contribute to a resolution of conflict in the future. I’m particularly pleased to think more about listening to myself and can recognize how self-understanding helps our understanding of others. Kay’s taking a very human approach made him a good facilitator for my learning.”

“I really appreciated that this kind of communication exists in this planet, in this situation that the world is in now. Human beings’ minds are so complicated, and sometimes mine too. With these Mediation skills, I’m starting to be more clear and connected with myself and others’ feelings and needs, and more conscious of my words. It’s important for my growth and development in communication. I’m very happy! From now on, I feel more confident to help my family, friends and all the community around me to connect more deeply with the feelings and needs that come daily in our lives.”

“I really feel excited to use it in my life, with the intention of connection, community, sharing experiences. Actually in my specific case, I was already doing this for a long time with my parents, without knowing that. I’m looking forward to be with them again and use these new skills, without taking anyone’s side.”

“For me, communication is the foundation of my life, and by having more tools how to use it properly, I can evolve and be more able to help others to connect. In order to understand that we have this power of choice in our hearts, sometimes we need to turn on the torch in the darkness. I really hope that I can have a good torch with full power batteries.”

1. What did you learn?

- “I learned many beautiful things. One of the most important was to be able to connect people from the heart, and not from the mind. I received many tools to help people to connect with their own feelings and needs, even in tense situations.”

- “I learned to find and listen to the needs behind people’s feelings.”

- “I learned how important it is to be precise with my language.”

- “I learned new communication skills that I can use in my daily life. They are very important for me, because I’m motivated to help others connect, and now I have the skills to better understand the real root of the issue.”

- “I learned that as a Mediator, I can stop and ask questions, ask people to re-phrase what they have heard, etc.”

- “I also learned to be careful in addressing needs: reaching for the clouds (creating more needs and frustration), vs. reaching for the sun (addressing the need in a positive way).”

- “I have a much better sense of the ’shape’ of Mediation and a little more confidence that the essential skills can be learned.”

2. What challenges did you have?

- “First I had the challenge of the language (non-native English speaker), to remain connected and express and hear feelings and needs, but with the list next to me it helped. During the first exercises (on the first day), I felt very comfortable and safe doing it, but when the discussion and conflict between the “guinea-pig parties” got more agitated (second day), I became less optimistic about my competence and I started doubting my skills. I felt under pressure and hesitant because of my slow reaction. I need to feel more comfortable before I become more spontaneous and natural.”

- “I really needed the practice-rounds to learn how to “translate” the statements into needs and feelings.”

- “I’d like to increase my awareness when two people are discussing something and try to be with them, instead of running away. And I’d like to have more confidence that I can help others solve their problems and be less hesitant in what to say. I believe that will come with practice.”

3. What would you recommend about this workshop?

- “Wow! This workshop really helps! You have no idea how useful your NVC Mediation skills can be. This workshop was amazing, Kay! He is really good at explaining and teaching this technique, with full exercises. It was powerful how you helped people connect more and more, and how you showed us the humanity behind the monster.”

- “I liked the finger stuff, as it helped me remember the tools I can use out of my toolbox.”

- “The clear separation of tools – the hand and fingers.”

- “I’d recommend this workshop to all those who are open to improve their communication, even if they don’t want to be professional Mediators. This course can be very useful to understand ourselves and make people move from their minds to their hearts.”

- “What I enjoyed was the calm atmosphere between the group and keeping punctuality.”

- “Nice simple structure, and rich at the same time.”

- “Good mix of humour and fun.”

- “Directly applicable.”

- “Just these 2 days will already make this world a better place.”

- “The hand was a perfect reminder, a practical tool.”

- “A thoroughly useful introductory workshop.”

- “A piece of art.”

4. How was the trainer?

- “Beautiful human being, big connection! You can feel a lot of experience. Even with his young looking, he gives you the picture very easily and he uses good examples and exercises, and then everything flows. I like his humour – Sweeedish!”

- “Compliments to Kay for your presence and skills even when in unfamiliar surroundings.”

- “I really enjoyed his presence, his patience, his humour (Swedish style), his examples, his experience. I could feel coherence in what he said, and he teaches according to what he is.”

- “I find him a special teacher.”

- “Kay was a very clear communicator and a very effective model of what he was teaching.”

- “Thank you for your support. We really love you and admire your mission in communication, something so fundamental to find Global Peace.”

My friend Pradeep shared this poem with us at an NVC Intensive in Nagpur last week…

The rains are meant to pour
and make you wet
but NVC is an umbrella
to let you protect

Darker are the shackles
pounce with all might
NVC is the light
fades them all and
views them right

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.”
—Aristotle

Nonviolent Communication as a Way of Life
People often ask me how to handle unexpected emotional outbursts, such as a spouse coming home angry, an irritable cashier, or any situation where we’re surprised by the kind of response we receive. In these situations, I rely on my Nonviolent Communication habits.
I practice this consciousness in easy situations so I can be ready to use it in challenging ones. If a friend calls me to share exciting news, I empathize by listening to her feelings and needs, to help meet both our needs for celebration. If someone calls me to express sadness, I empathize to meet my needs for connection and compassion.If I find myself judging another person, I translate the judgmental thoughts to my feelings and needs, such as “When I see large SUVs, I feel worried about our ability to sustain ourselves and our resources,” instead of “Oh I hate SUVs. Doesn’t that person know how much precious gas that vehicle is using?” If I feel sad, I empathize with myself or ask someone else to empathize with me. If I feel happy, I express my celebration. I have made living Nonviolent Communication a habit. If I only practiced this consciousness when times were challenging, I would not have the skills to handle such situations. However, through continuous practice, I can rely on well-established habits of connection, compassion, and communication to help me resolve even the most challenging situations in ways that meet my need for integrity.

Begin to make the Nonviolent Communication process a habit today by empathizing with one person.

This reflection is an excerpt from Peaceful Living: Daily Meditations for Living with Love, Healing, and Compassion by Mary Mackenzie, published by PuddleDancer Press and is offered courtesy of NVC Academy and Mary Mackenzie.

Yay, yay, yay – YES!!!

Kay Rung, an NVC supporter and sexy NVC Mediator from Sweden, is coming to town!!! Wow!!! Jason casually invited him and Liv to come visit, and Kay accepted! He’ll be here for a week in Dec-Jan and will share NVC Mediation with our Mediation Study Group. Jason and I first met Kay in Poland, at the NVC Mediation training we were at in Oct. I was so inspired by his sincerity and his playfulness, and I really enjoyed watching how he lives and embodies NVC consciousness in his everyday interactions…

See you soon, Kay!

Thanks for sharing this with me, Clayton!

This is just not fair! But actually… I’m so grateful to be alive, to have so many opportunities to feel alive and to be challenged to live my values.

So, here goes:

I desperately wanted to contribute to a family’s life, to be “active” and help bring about more happiness and connection. And I realllllly didn’t know how, and I felt so helpless.

Before boarding my flight from Frankfurt-Colombo, I noticed a family going through the X-ray thing with their hand baggage and kids. A German man, a Tamil wife, a 5-year-ish old boy and 2 baby walking-aged twin boys. I noticed them, because the twin boys were full of energy one minute and seemingly upset the next. They were walking (or running) around the boarding gate area, and both the parents plus the older brother were trying to keep them close by. When they were picked up, they’d start crying and screaming and kicking. They attracted quite an audience! And my thoughts were: “oops, they’ve got a hand-full… ; oh boy, how do they manage out in the world?; mmm, they don’t seem worried or concerned at all when the little ones walk far away…”

This family ended up sitting several rows ahead of me in the plane, and there was no way I could miss them. The little ones cried most of the flight, and the father… oh boy… He got drunk and got into a verbal altercation with another passenger close by. They spoke in German and I picked up things like “Schlampe” (bitch).

As many passengers peeped their heads up to see what was going on and no steward “came to the rescue,” I started to feel all kinds of things… Sad for the wife and kids… Angry and disturbed by the man’s behaviour… Lots of judgements about him, about drinking, about getting drunk on a plane, about not caring for his kids or wife, about looking like an idiot arguing with a total stranger… But I still had the thought: “If only I could go up to him now and give him empathy…” I didn’t dare. I was too afraid he’d start yelling at me too! And I was nervous that it wouldn’t improve the situation or be of any help and support…

I also felt sad for the mom, and I wondered how she felt about her husband’s behaviour. I made eye contact with her a few times and smiled, as I walked up and down the aisle for some exercise. I wanted to connect with her, and I didn’t know how…

I really had no idea what I could do to help. The only thing that seemed do-able was to mail Sri Lankan Airlines and to share my concern for passenger safety and inquire how they deal with drunk passengers. But I wasn’t convinced that they’d even acknowledge my mail, or that this would do anything to help people in the future. Plus, I didn’t see how an email would help this family feel more connected and self-empowered.

Then I ran into them again, in the waiting room in Colombo, before boarding my flight to Chennai. I was surprised to see them there, and I purposely sat next to them. I was surprised by my choice, but I think I wanted to be “in the middle” of their shit instead of “feel like” (not a feeling!) a powerless onlooker.

I was really surprised to see the man still quite drunk, and he was drinking a beer. I was shocked by how little he interacted with the twins. He sat slouched on the chair and mumbled a few things now and then. When the older son would come to him, the father would kiss him on the cheek – a wet kiss that the son would wipe off with his hand. I was relieved the father didn’t yell at him and say something about him not liking his kisses! People started to look at him, and when they’d warn him that one of the twins was hurt or in a dangerous place, he didn’t react at all.

I finally got the courage to say something to the father! I told him that his son had gone into the other waiting room, but he didn’t seem too concerned. However, he started to ask me questions: the time, whether this was the waiting room for Chennai, where was I going… He started to share a bit about himself, and I could put a little context to the story.

He’s 47, lives half-time in India, half-time in Germany. He likes India because it’s cheap and has easy drugs. His wife likes Germany, but he wishes she’d be willing to live full-time in India. She doesn’t understand anything about life. She just likes the money that Germany provides. She doesn’t understand all the bullshit in Europe, the politics, etc.

Wow! I felt so sorry for the wife. She kind of looked at us talking, and I sensed she felt uncomfortable. At one point, she asked her husband to not talk (in German). He continued to share with me. I really wanted to give the wife my phone number. I wanted to ask her to call me when she had a private moment. I desperately wanted to give her empathy and to empower her.

But I did nothing!!!

AHHHHH!!!

Liv, Kay, thank you so much for this new awareness! It was there in me before, and I could have easily started journaling and giving myself self-empathy for the situation, but I absolutely love the challenge to find ways of being ACTIVE and contributing to making the world a more enjoyable place for all!!

love,
L’aura

“The Invitation” – by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

It doesn’t interest me
what you do for a living.
I want to know
what you ache for
and if you dare to dream
of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me
how old you are.
I want to know
if you will risk
looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me
what planets are
squaring your moon…
I want to know
if you have touched
the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened
by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know
if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know
if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you
to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations
of being human.

It doesn’t interest me
if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear
the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know
if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”

It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live
or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me
who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me
where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know
what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know
if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like
the company you keep
in the empty moments.

http://www.oriahmountaindreamer.com/
By Oriah © Mountain Dreaming,
from the book The Invitation
published by HarperONE, San Francisco,
1999 All rights reserved