A new adventure – Pune trainings

Always have a back-up plan… If my new BSNL 3G data card (USB modem) doesn’t work in the airport – well then, pull out my TATA indicom one, even though it’s slower… If I can’t login to my blog cuz the connection’s slow – well then, open up Word instead! ☺

Cool! I’m on an adventure! Yes, it’s starting to sink in that this truly is an ADVENTURE. As I clarified with Saleem (phone call during the taxi ride), my main intention is growth – my own growth. It’s all about a self-full adventure, meeting my own needs. Yes, sure – of course there’s a desire to contribute, connect, share, develop community, network, blah blah blah… But deep down, it’s all about my own deepening, my own expanding, my own exploration – L’aura going out and playing in India, for real.

The past weeks have been odd… A part has been telling me I should pack, get ready, prepare – that I don’t want to be stressed at the last minute, etc. But somehow I couldn’t quite connect to this adventure. There was (and maybe still is) something in the way – but WHAT?! I don’t know what it is… All I could come up with was just “fear” of the unknown – new context, new people, new environment. Who will come, how many, what will my room be like, will I have time for self-care, what food will they serve me, will I sleep well, will there be bed-bugs, will it be noisy at night, will I be safe (ouuhhh… it’s vulnerable to be authentic about all this – not wanting anyone to misinterpret, or get me wrong – like “oh, she’s some stuck-up white bi*ch who needs her comfort…”). But seriously, I’ve got parts that need a lot of predictability and BASIC comfort – no, I don’t need white linen and a fluffy bed – but I do enjoy a quiet room, with no mozzies or bed-bugs or honking horns… ☺ And then my raw food preferences… Haha!

Anyway, this something was keeping me from fully connecting to the joy of going on this “trip.” I thought about my leisurely life-style, the nature, the animals, my yoga and jogging, my afternoon naps – gosh, do I ever LOVE my life in Auroville! Such a paradise…!

So I was kind of just going through the motions, just doing what needed doing to get ready. Did I prepare, as I thought I would?! No! Lesson plans?! Haha, not a chance! It’s gonna be on-the-spot NVC action!

I also caught myself having this thought and was shocked at the assumption! I believed “I wouldn’t get the quality of depth of connection outside of the workshop hours that I so much enjoy” – that sweet stuff that happens when we’re just being us, with no formalities or awkwardness in the way… I was also grateful to have an almost immediate, “What do you mean, L’aura?! If you want depth, just do it. Don’t wait for others; it’s your responsibility!”

I enjoyed the contemplative space I dozed off into after that and what came to me was this strong sense of universal consciousness meeting universal consciousness – my eyes and experiences meeting theirs – and that it’s just another version of the same universal potential – an abundance of experiences and perceptions to explore – but in the end we’re all just one – universal energy having manifested itself – and what greater gift than to experience another facet of this universal consciousness – just another part of me…

***

During the taxi ride, I was fully engrossed in catching up with, and giving Jason an SMS play-by-play of, Chennai’s (or all of India’s!) major development – construction everywhere, and not just any construction – but huge, fancy, big housing complexes of all sorts. Crazy! Who lives there?! Where do they get the money?! What about the regular villagers who live along the highway…?

Then finally, as the driver dropped me off and I walked towards the entrance, I could see inside the glass walls – regular airport action – scanning bags, ticket counters, etc. And I had a wave of, “Oh my gosh, what the hell am I doing?! They’re supposed to be coming to me (for training), not the reverse!” came over me. I was surprised to hear myself say that, as I hadn’t thought about it before (or at least not in a very long time). Suddenly I wondered… Maybe it’s “normal” to go away to attend trainings, but is it “normal” to go away to give trainings?! Normal or not – whatever, I can think of many examples of other trainers who travel to give trainings… But something hit me there…

Then a little reality-check as I walked in to the airport and passed the first security guy. Three airport personnel stood at the side, one shorter man yelling at a taller man, and the third one, a woman, just standing there, looking down and not making eye-contact with either or engaging (my interpretation: submissive, has no social right to be part of a “manly” talk). Wow… I noticed my judgements – “Does he think he’s gonna get what he wants talking that way? Does he not care about the other guy’s reasonings? Does he not know how stupid he looks, behaving like this in public?” Mmm, I felt discouraged… Surprised by how common-place disconnectful conversations are…

Anyway, now it’s a blog play-by-play… Good thing no one has to read it! ☺ Again, I’m just being self-full – it’s more for my own self-reflection than anything else! Anyway, as I went through the baggage scanning and had to unpack to show them my chimes and alarm clock, I thought of blogging this all – turning it into a real adventure!

I mean, I’m remembering my very emotional “message from above” during our INVCI Team meeting after the Convention in February, and I had this “have-to clarity” about giving up everything, surrendering and going on an NVC yatra, sharing NVC across the country and just being – nothing more… In a way, I’m surprised that that hasn’t happened yet, because I said and felt it with such conviction and inner clarity. So maybe this is a version of that calling…

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