Haha, I often say “Sorry is bullshit,” but now I’m gonna say “Taboo is bullshit!” During our potluck after-practice-group dinner last night, one participant made a comment about how many taboos we have in our cultures, and how we don’t like to talk about taboo topics. He was referring to how another woman had “ended” a conversation about religion, assuming that for her it was taboo and that she didn’t want to talk about it anymore. Wow! It was SO clear to me that this had nothing to do with taboo. It suddenly hit me – for me, there is no such thing as “taboo.” I think we so often don’t talk about tender-scary-vulnerable-controversial-shaming topics, because we’re so often not received the way we’d like to be received. I think that we learn very quickly that these “taboo topics” aren’t safe to talk about, not because they’re taboo and inherently bad, but because we haven’t experienced being heard or understood or received in the ways we’d like – experiencing that the other is truly open and curious to understand our most-deepest feelings, reactions, fears and longings around these topics. I believe, on the other hand, if we were to be received WITH EMPATHY while talking about these topics, we’d all be open to sharing – the world would be a SAFE place, where we could honestly and authentically share our opinions and experiences, because we wouldn’t be immediately judged or blamed… WOW! SUPER COOL! There’s no such things as TABOO!
This also explains so much for me – why I’m so uncomfortable in so many conversation circles. I find that so many conversations are just arguments, each person trying to prove his/her point and in doing so, putting the other opinions down. I totally lose self-connection, because my jackals start howling about how ridiculous these conversations are. And so of course I can’t connect to the beautiful feelings and needs people are expressing behind their opinions either.
But hey… Last night I did it! As I was snuggling with Kiki, I heard something about the relationship between cats and humans and that it was like prostitution – the cat only receiving (or giving) love and snuggles in return for food… Oh boy, my normal reaction would like be like “Oh my gosh, you’re so ridiculous…” But instead, I tried to connect, “So is that you’d like to see balance and respect in our relationships…?” (I can’t even remember what it was that I said, but anyway the words are of no consequence – it was about the intention to connect and understand his inner world a bit better, without judging it from my perspective… COOL!