why i can’t connect to petitions…

Hmm… The other day, N*** came up to me in the bakery and asked that I sign a petition for something – can’t even remember what! Probably something about banning DDT spraying, or something – a “good” cause, but still – not a strategy I connect with…

First, I experience pressure, I hear a demand… I want choice, and I want to know that I’ll be accepted, even if I don’t want to sign it. No, even more – I want to know that I’ll be heard and understood for the reasons behind not wanting to sign – and that doesn’t mean my reasons are because I don’t believe in the cause – environment and health. It’s not that at all… I want a chance to be authentically me and to be heard for how much I do care, but that I don’t enjoy this particular way of expressing my concerns. And I would enjoy knowing that I’m not just being used as a number, just another signature – with no connection between us, no meaning in my particular signature/participation… Does he just want my signature – at whatever cost?! Then he might as well forge it… Just a number trying to forcefully fight a cause and win – trying to convince the government, or whoever, that we’re justified and right and better than the rest… No, I hate it! And I’m just rambling here, letting it all out – in no particular order or logic…

So I totally hear a demand, and that I’d be bad if I didn’t sign – that that would mean I don’t care…

Actually, I care a lot. But I want to do things with a different attitude. I find that writing petitions is like giving away my power and making the other one the bad one. And I like the clarity I’ve gotten from Liv and Kay‘s “non-passivity” ideas, and from Andrew Harvey’s “sacred activism.” A few years ago, when I met S***, who was so passionate about his free-Tibet-activism, I was actually repulsed and found it so violent… I didn’t quite understand why, and could have easily seen how people would have labeled me as “passive”… Well, not anymore…! I get it now! For me, it’s about taking responsibility and empowering myself – and I’m sorry, but often my way of dealing with “world problems” is by dealing with my own reactions to them, my own thinking, my own perpetuating the problem by rejecting it… Instead, I prefer to go into a meditative space, to clean up on that level – to envision a better world, to manifest it right in front of me… That’s my very active contribution to this planet! And I just find petitions so violent and so lazy! And so very judgemental of those doing the “bad” thing and of those not wanting to sign it…

Unprocessed rambling… Nice to get out!

Mmm… and I want to remember that N*** and S*** are also doing their best to contribute and to create the world of their dreams… They’re likely wanting to be pro-active, wanting to be heard, wanting support from their community – and above all, wanting hope that change is possible…

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